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Iwouldn't even swap with Clint with him being the asshole he is, I'd neverwish this on anyone else. I then accepted that my illness was exactlythat, it was mine, nobody else's. Finally claiming my illness as mine,and not just accepting it, is what got my mind to running its marathonthinking session that I've been having. I'm pretty sure that was thereason I wasn't freaking out this morning like I had done just a fewweeks ago.While I was standing there in my underwear looking in the mirror thismorning, I couldn't help but see that I already looked like a girl. Afairly cute girl at that. If I got a decent haircut and maybe thinned myeyebrows and with makeup I would probably even be pretty... That thoughtdidn't cause the panic that it did a month ago, it was just... It stilldidn't feel right to me. I still didn't feel like a girl, although Iprobably don't have a clue what being a girl felt like, it just didn'tfeel right to me. It would feel so wrong to me to start telling peoplethat I'm. "I love you too," I said under my breath after she had left the room.I took my time in the shower letting the hot water work wonders on my aching muscles. As I got dressed, I was thinking about the events of last night. "Did I really see those light or was it my imagination?"When I was dressed I went down stairs to the kitchen and stopped in the doorway and stared. My mom was standing there with a bruise on her arm and cheek. That's when I started to get mad. My mom must have seen the look in my eye because she said, "its ok, it doesn't really hurt." Then she gave me a hug. But I just kept getting more angry and it was starting to give me a headache.On my way to school with the twins in my new car I kept seeing my mom and just got angrier. By the time I pulled into the parking lot at school I was seeing red and my head was throbbing. Maybe that's why I didn't see Brenda and John walk in front of me until it was almost too late. I slammed on the brakes and just missed them.John started.
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